


Illuminating Light

by klaudos



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Writing, Idiots, M/M, Nightmares, Soulmates, a little bit, crackish, cursing, hardcore denial, like very mild, mild panicking, ooc, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 20:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1756019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klaudos/pseuds/klaudos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has a chance to glow. Sometimes it happens immediately after you meet your soul mate, sometimes it happens when you’ve known your other half for months and sometimes it happens when the world is ending. When it happens to them, Newt and Hermann are convinced it’s probably the worst thing to happen right now or possibly ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illuminating Light

Hermann discovers Newt on the floor propped up by his machine. He pieces the situation together quickly as he rushes to deactivate the pons device on Newt’s head. Hermann checks his pulse with a tenuous hold of Newt’s neck and his blood is pumping fast beneath his fingers. Hermann’s been shouting at him the whole time, but Newt’s only response has been to hold onto him, not even looking at him. Hermann’s certain Newt doesn’t know that it’s him, or even a _person_ , that he’s got in a tenacious grip. Newt has spasms running through his body and Hermann can feel them and has the urge to slap him and force him out of the state he’s in.

In the span of twenty seconds something happens that makes a horrible situation much worse; their chests light up with a personally unfamiliar red glow. Newt doesn’t seem to register it and Hermann is too busy grabbing is cane and bringing a chair over to Newt so he could help him into it. Hermann would greatly appreciate it if the glow wasn’t happening.

Newt is slowly returning to reality, but still hasn’t said a word. He’s still shaking and Hermann shoves a glass of water in his hand, hoping their light doesn’t die out in this very moment if only because it means Newt is simultaneously dying with it.

In the condition that Newt is in, he definitely doesn’t need the glow and neither does Hermann, not with the emotional amplifications that come with it. The glow is meant to allow the emotions the affected are currently feeling to be intensified. Usually, it’s a good thing because you’re supposed to be feeling happiness, love, or joy because that’s what _should_ activate the glow. But, no, not for them; together they make an unstable concoction of fear, anxiety, concern, and panic –and a bit of pride, but that’s all coming from Newt—which is the last thing they need to be _right_ now: a quivering biologically confused mess and an overly-worried mathematician.

Newt’s almost fully aware of his surroundings and, without really knowing he’s doing it, he brings the shaking glass of water to his mouth and, after a second, drinks. His eyes are moving rapidly behind closed eyelids and the glow emanating from his chest is starting to fade. In turn, so is Hermann’s as he watches Newt nervously from where he’s leaning against his desk.  Newt finally comes to completely, stares at his glass, looks up at Hermann, and says, “I told you.”

With those words Hermann turns and leaves the lab, calling on a passing worker and instructing them to watch over Newt until he returns.

 

It’s only after Newt has almost _died_ for the third time that day does he see Hermann again. Newt’s just witnessed a man, that could’ve very well been him, be consumed whole by a baby kaiju. Seeing Hermann gives him much appreciated relief quickly followed by less appreciated anxiety courtesy of post first-almost-death glow, then the urgency to expedite the end of the apocalypse snaps him back again and he’s driving a giant neural spike into baby Otachi’s brain.

Hermann’s ranting at him about his prediction of a triple event, how it has _yet_ to happen, and that it _should_ be happening and Newt basically tells him off because he really has more things to worry about instead of a third kaiju attack that isn’t even a thing that’s going on right now. Hermann insists, saying the attack is inevitable.

Newt’s going over his equipment in the rain, making sure everything is where it should, that no wires are crossed, and that the drift settings are correct –or as correct as they can be to drift with a kaiju.

When Hermann suggests the only way for him to know for certain whether his predictions are accurate or not and edits the drifts interface code, activating the second pons helmet, Newt is, to say the least, taken aback that Hermann would do that for him—with him.

Hermann’s whole life, it’s been his credo to follow the math because the truth lies where the numbers take him. In this moment, he doesn’t have the math to support the decision of going into the drift, an experience that will unmitigatedly feel like nothing he’s ever done before, but he has the self-imposed responsibility to stop Newt from participating in reckless actions and he may be _aiding_ him in heading a reckless action _right now_ , but the fate of Earth and the immediate fate of his partner’s life hangs in the balance. Who knows what a second overloaded drift with _another_ dead kaiju will do to him. Hermann is not about to let him bear the load alone.

Newt and Hermann brace themselves and into the drift they descend. Their consciousnesses float, alone, until the neural handshake commences and they join in drift space. They see everything the other is and ever was, each memory lasting only a fraction of a millisecond, flashing in their minds in cerulean so briefly yet still allowing them to _know_ it.

  _numbers do not lie they only speak of truth, history, science, future it is the only language that connects theories, ideas, people without fallacies they do not give way under pressure the universe is built upon the most basic and complex of formulas and it will always be that way the math will always be a constant they feel nothing and I will always trust them_

_Newt tunes his first guitar_

_Hermann flies a model plane_

_Newt learns songs easily and plays in his warm living room for his mom_

_it’s Hermann’s first day of college, he’s 12 and he feels miserable._   _Don’t be sick, Father will know_

_they’re at the lake and his mom dives into the story of how she met his dad, how they glowed and Newt and Uncle Gunter hook their bait as they groan in unison, hearing the story for the fifteenth time_

_Hermann has the accident and he aches for months_

_the first time Newt plays in front of a crowd it’s a rush. The stage welcomes him and he doesn’t disappoint_

_correspondence between them starts_

_I miss Mom_

_I’ve been accepted into the PPDC, I’m sure Father will be satisfied_

_after years, they meet._

_distasteful_

_rude_

_Newt is getting his back tattoos colored and his blood is pumping with excitement_

The third party is introduced with a crisp veil of magenta and then comes the hunger, the pain, the rage, the need to destroy.

_Precursor_

Newt recognizes with _unwanted familiarity._

_kaiju fall in a deformed sea of themselves under the Precursors hands. Finally, the best is created and spit out of the breach, a ticking bomb with its detonation only moments away._

_I need you_

_don’t feel, can’t feel, there is war_

_will I ever be able to-_

_The breach is only for them and no others. It’s the last thing the kaiju see before they're sent to wipe-out._

They promptly fall out of drift space. The pair of scientists have blood dripping down their noses and look worse for wear, which is significantly better than they feel.

 

The world is saved from imminent destruction; celebration ensues.

Mako and Raleigh are returning to the shatterdome from the ocean and everyone is in a frenzy of relief, joy, and in search of communal liquor. There are many who were lost in the fight and those like Herc retreat from the crowd.

Newt wants to join the others in the hunt for liquid pleasure, but when he turns from the bustling group of people that pat him on the back and congratulate him, he doesn’t see Hermann. Any commitment he had to finding liquor shifts to Hermann. No one notices Newt leave and most of the dank hallways are empty of all personnel.

Newt automatically searches their lab and when he doesn’t find him, he goes to Hermann’s quarters. He’s about to knock when realization sets in. _Dude, no,_ he thinks, _ugh body why? Why would you do that to me? Why would you do that at all—no one told you to do the thing._ At the time it happened he’d been pretty out of it but he can tell when he’s reacting to a bad situation and when he’s creating one all by himself—or at least he likes to think he knows that—and he’s pretty sure he was doing _both._

Newt pushes a hand through his dirty hair and resolutely decides he needs a shower. He walks the few steps to his room across from Hermann’s. Once he’s safely inside he takes the most half-assed shower, and normally he would give it his full ass, trust him, but right now he couldn’t be bothered. Really, he doesn’t want to think about the last day or kaiju or Hermann or the glow or _anything._ Thankfully, he’s too tired to think and the pain behind his left eye helps block out unwanted thoughts. He tousles his locks with a towel and wraps it around his waist. The metal mirror bolted to the wall is steamed and his hazy reflection moves with him as he rubs at his eyes and he immediately retracts his hands, hissing at his tender eye. He sluggishly brushes his teeth and gets into a tee and boxers, falls onto his worn mattress and knocks out.

He screams himself awake from a series of terrible memories of destroying cities, of trampling cars and people, of being created time and time again and dying slowly with the others that didn’t succeed. He’s cold sweating and he shuts his eyes tight against the darkness. He blindly gets under the covers, overwrought and breathing erratically. He’s disoriented and he tries to remind himself of who he is.

_I’m Newt Geiszler, I have six doctorates, I didn’t kill people, I saved the world, I’m a rock star, I’m Newt and I already said that._

After a couple of minutes of deliberate even breathing, he’s calmed down enough to remove the blanket from his face from when he covered it. This, by the way, was a totally reasonable reaction.

 

Hermann moves through the water swiftly as it parts around him, sight perfect as he watches beneath the waves. His lungs expand and contract as he breathes in water. With calculating predation he breaks the surface and hunts. He does it once and then again and again, each occurrence beginning with water and ending with a numb pain. He goes through this several times throughout the night, twitching with restlessness in bed, before he wakes with a packed inhale, trying to breathe in air instead of water. His lungs burn and his leg aches as if he had been treaded over cities himself, but it was not me, he tells himself, it was the kaiju.

He has five hours of sleep under his belt and that’s enough for him to get ready and head for the lab. Upon arriving, he slumps into his old creaky chair and checks the blinking notification on his computer screen. His email opens of the screen, with an unopened message from the Defense Corps. Apparently, it’s alerting all personnel of what to expect in the near future, with promises to update everyone with any further notices. The only clear message in the email was to pack and wait. The ache in his leg is not minimal but devoid of anything else to do he ignores the pain and begins collecting his belongings.

 

Ever since the world was saved, every time Newt’s been to the lab he’s never crossed paths with Hermann. But if the slowly uncluttering of Hermann’s side of the lab and the periodic addition of newly packed boxes against the wall is any indication, Hermann’s been here. It’s been days since he’s seen him and it’s not like Newt’s been looking for him either. He hopes the next time they cross paths neither of them will bring up what happened.

The PPDC has given everyone one month to pack up to either leave or be relocated until they decide whether or not they will be continuing the program after the economy stops being a pile of crap and Newt has decided to ignore all his current responsibilities and does research instead. No one can hold it against him though, because he had tried, like _really_ tried, just look at those boxes on the floor and jars filled with specimens and viscera, it’s not his fault he got caught up with a conveniently close microscope and bioluminescent kaiju skin samples. A voice that sounds a lot like Hermann informs him that, “yes, it is your fault.”

“Shut up,” he says aloud. Ever since he and Hermann drifted he’s had some piece of his conscience in his mind or at least he thinks it is. It’s either that or a part of his own consciousness that created a Hermann-like character in his brain due to the extreme exposure to his memories. He just hopes the same hasn’t happened with the kaiju anteverse. Either way, he should probably get on that soon before-

“I didn’t say anything,” says actual, real-life Hermann from behind Newt where he’s sitting on the floor bent over his microscope.

He jumps, poking his glasses against the eyepiece. “Shit, man. Would it kill you to give a guy a little warning?”

“I apologize you are inconveniently unaware of your surroundings,” Hermann responds, crossing the lab to his side where his chalkboard awaits him. His board, unlike his other things, is rather big so he has requested it be sent to him later once he’s settled down and rented a storage unit.

Hermann’s made it to his side when his cane knocks over and almost cracking one of Newt’s jars.

“Hey, be careful!” Newt exclaims, going for his jar and examining the state of its contents. It’s not bad so he just says, “This is important stuff.”

“Well, if it had been on _your_ side, perhaps in boxes as it _should_ be, you wouldn’t need to worry.”

“My side, your side, it doesn’t matter.” Newt stands and places his jar on the table and turns to Hermann just in time to catch one of his infamous eye rolls.

“Of course it matters, _Newton,_ boundaries are essential to healthy social relationships and you seem to have none.”

"Really, _I_ have none? When was the last time you had a recreational conversation with someone? Oh that’s right, never. And you know what else? This tape -this _‘boundary’-_ who cares, it’s stupid!" Newt says, reaches down, and rips up the ever present yellow tape that has been dividing their lab for years, leaving a clean line on the concrete. "And so are your rules," he continues, crossing the line where the tape has been freshly peeled from.

"Maybe if you acted like a normal human being I wouldn’t have to make so many rules because you are so oblivious to basic limits." He huffs and backs away from Newt’s advances.

"Oh," Newt challenges and, not for the first time, uninvitedly invades Hermann’s personal space, "you mean like this? Like this, right here?"

Hermann’s back hits his board and Newt’s shrieking voice doesn’t stop, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t hold his ground against this petulant _man-child_. He has half a mind to swat at Newt’s shin with his cane but the suggestion sounds awfully like Newt himself and instead snaps back at him, “Yes, exactly! You fail to understand that people have lines that are meant to be left uncrossed.”

“Crossing the line isn’t horrible, Hermann!” Newt’s definitely frustrated now, “Maybe if you did things differently-”

“What, like drifting with you and a kaiju carcass?!” It comes out rougher than Hermann intends it to and he feels a twinge of guilt twist in his chest when he sees hurt flash cross Newt’s face as he pulls back a fraction before the biologist starts reeling up to shoot back when the bright red light coming from beneath them stops Newt and his train of thought in their tracks.

 _Oh no, please no,_ is Hermann’s first thought.

Newt takes a long disbelieving look at his glowing chest, then Hermann’s matching one, back to his, says “Well, shit” after he realizes how fucking bright their glow is together and finally dragging his eyes up to Hermann’s face where it’s under lit and his eyebrows are pulled together in a mixture of fury, fear, and confusion watching the unmistakable glow fluctuate along with their heartbeats between them.

“Hermann-”

“No.”

“Wh-”

“No. This is _not_ happening,” Hermann says, teeth clenched and sliding out from between Newt and the chalkboard.

As much as Newt didn’t want this to be a thing it was happening right in front of him and it was so cool and weird to see it when he’s not almost passing out. “What do you mean it’s not happening? Look at us! We’re glowing, dude. Soul mate glowing.”

“ _No,_ I refuse to participate in anything as _ridiculous_ as being soul mates with _you_.” Hermann puts a hand to his chest as if that would block the light streaming from around his palm at all.

“Well, I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot either, Dr. Mathis _everything_.”

Hermann’s already halfway out of the lab and Newt doesn’t stop him.

 

Newt isn’t supposed to tell anyone, or at least that’s what he tells himself, but he’s currently on the line that divides hesitation and excitement and he’s taking the first step to the latter side and it’s incredibly relieving now that he’s not squashing the reality of his situation down in the burrows of his mind.

As he walks through the halls he passes the person he was looking for and backtracks, yelling “Tendo!” unnecessarily, seeing as Tendo is now four feet in front of him. Tendo turns with that Elvis-like swiftness, looking up from his clipboard.

“Newt, buddy, hey. How’s it going?”

“Nothing much- actually no something happened and you’ll never guess what.” They walk the short distance to the LOCCENT center.

“What happened?” Tendo asks, his interest piqued.

Newt swells his chest with a slightly strange feeling of pride. “I glowed.”

“You’re kidding.” Tendo says and takes a seat in his trusty chair.

“Dead serious,” Newt counters, nodding his head and raising his eyebrows, a little smile tugging his lips.

“Took you guys long enough,” Tendo replies and pats Newt’s knee.

“Yeah—wait, what?!” Newt exclaims in that screechy voice of his.

“It is Hermann, right?”

“Yeah, but how’d you know?”

“You guys might be the smartest fellas here but you’re still so dumb.” Tendo shakes his head sympathetically and laughs a little. “Honestly, I knew Alison for three weeks before we glowed, and with Mako and Raleigh it took days.”

“Were we really that oblivious?”

“Yup, and for ten years. Say, how’re you dealing with a decade’s worth of pent up emotions?”

Newt understands that to glow both parties need to be open to it in general, at least unconsciously, and figures that’s why he and Hermann hadn’t been able to glow before; Newt was always open to the possibility so Hermann must’ve suppressed the notion but what he doesn’t understand is why Hermann changed his mind.

“I don’t have any pent up emotions.”

“Don’t josh around, Newt. It’s me Tendo, the guy you called at 4 in the morning because you couldn’t find coffee.” Tendo raises a brow expectantly.

“What, I don’t!” Newt waves his hands around, emphasizing his contradiction. “Me and Hermann aren’t like _soul mates_ soul mates we’re like the platonic soul mates.”

“You’re saying you don’t love him?”

“Well, I mean yeah—I have to, it’s why it happened in the first place, right?”

“So you’re not denying it.”

“No, I’m not denying it, it’s just I’m not in love with him.”

Tendo shoots him an accusingly dubious look when Mako and Raleigh walk into the room and Newt breathes a sigh in relief at their arrival, then sucks it in again when Tendo says, “Did you guys hear? Newt has glowed!”

“Really?” Mako smiles widely. “How is Dr. Gottlieb taking it?”

“Why does everyone assume it’s Hermann?!” Newt asks crossly.

“Because we’re not blind.”

“But really though, do I have a sign above me blinking ‘is soul mates with Hermann’?”

“You might as well have,” Raleigh says, smirking at Newt’s indignation.

“You know what, pretty boy-”

“Lunch, anyone?” Mako offers, successfully avoiding a spectacle between the two.

 

They’re seated at a table, the pair of soul mates across from Newt and Tendo, trays of food in front of them and Newt has sat in frustration for about 2 minutes hearing the trio come up with ridiculous scenarios about Hermann and him.

“Aw, wouldn’t it be so cute if they started to hold hands?”

“How about no,” Newt says.

“Yeah, and if they whispered semi-insulting endearing insults in public?” Tendo agrees with Mako, ignoring Newt’s disapproval.

“But guys,” Raleigh chimes in, “imagine hugs.”

“Ah, Becket boy, you missed it the other day. They hugged, it was a one armed hug sure, but still a hug.”

“Really, you guys, really?” Newt interjects for what feels like the twentieth time, embarrassed and annoyed.

“What?” Tendo asks, flattening his mashed potatoes down under his fork. “We’re teaching you how to control your glow. It’s hard at first, but hearing this kind of stuff will give you a sort of baseline.”

“Yeah Tendo, I know how it works, but this smoochy stuff isn’t going to make it go off.”

“Tell your heart that,” Tendo replies, gesturing to Newt’s chest where a faint red light is starting to emanate unevenly from beneath his skin.

Newt looks at him quizzically and inspects his chest. “Seriously? Like I don’t even know why I’m flickering, I don’t like Hermann like that.”

The table stays quiet, eating slowly and looking off into space.

“Screw you, guys.” Newt knows he’s being a little dramatic when he stands up and leaves, but he does it anyway because he needs to find Hermann and get this sorted. He disregards the few people he passes that give him casually curious looks, and is at Hermann’s door in a hurried walk, but this time he actually knocks with determination.

 

Hermann storms out of the lab and doesn’t even remember going to his quarters, but there he is shutting the door behind him. That encounter shouldn’t have happened, he had been avoiding Newt for days, but all for naught because the first time he sees him again _it_ happens. It’s frustrating, to say the least. He doesn’t want this, he surely didn’t ask for it. He’s always kept himself closed off for a reason and he slipped and messed up and now he’s facing the consequences. He sits at his desk and picks up an empty box next to it, determined not to let his packing time go to waste. Hermann gathers the belongings in his drawers when he comes across an almost empty notebook, and in a fit of inspiration he fills in four pages of equations and their solutions in his small scrawl. Surely the breach isn’t going to stay closed forever, the Precursors opened it twice before, who’s to say they’re not capable of doing it again? He’s trying to determine all possibilities and how they can be countered so by the time he looks up from a nearly filled page, leg aching from staying in the same position for so long, he doesn’t know how much time has passed.

Hermann’s leg forces him to lie down on his bed, which in turn forces him to think about his situation that he’d been neglecting ever since it transpired. He doubted this would ever happen to him, not in a million years, but he stayed reserved anyway, hence the surprise he felt when it did happen, and with Newt of all people. He thinks that perhaps some space will do them some good, but the notion of being apart from him leaves him with a hollow feeling in his stomach. He quickly thinks of other options and pays no mind to his reaction.

Hermann covers his eyes with his hand, rubbing his temples, still not believing it was Newt he glowed for. Not that Newt is a bad person, that’s not it. It’s simply hard to wrap his head around it seeing as the pair of them are barely friends. Well, no that’s not true either, they are friends, but not in the most common sense. Though, definitely not more than that.

Can they be?

Hermann swats the thought away, immediately rejecting it, but it keeps flitting to the front of his mind along with theoretical images of Newt holding his hand, leaning up to kiss him, and laughing as they have before as they lay in bed cuddling, and _no this is not a thing he’s thinking about right now._ He removes his hand from his face only to find the room being highlighted by his radiant red luminance. He sighs in helplessness when there’s a furious knocking on his door, complimented by and equally intense shout of his name.

“Hermann! Open up, I know you’re in there, we need to talk!”

He sighs again as he strains to get up, the ache in his leg not helping him any. Newt shrieks again in his painfully high voice as Hermann opens the door a fraction, “Dr. Geiszler, I’m sure there are quieter and less rude ways to get someone’s attention.”

“Yeah, well-” Newt stops himself short. “Wait, are you glowing?”

Hermann uses the door to shield himself. “That’s none of your business.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about!” He flings his hand back and forth between his chest and Hermann’s own blocked one. “We need to control this.”

“And how do you suppose we do that?” Hermann replies, sarcasm heavy in his tone.

Newt barges into Hermann’s room and Hermann accepts the fact that he’s not going to leave until they’ve talked. After closing the door, he leans on his cane and sits in his chair as Newt remains standing.

“How’re we going to do this?”

“Do what?”

“You know what. We can’t just ignore it anymore, like we’ve both been doing- don’t even deny it, dude- so we need to put our heads together, because I don’t want to be talking to people and just start flickering in the middle of our conversation.”

“No one in their right minds wants that.”

“Then?”

“There is something we could try.” Hermann offers cautiously, the idea surfacing from somewhere far away in his head.

“What is it?” Newt asks, finally taking a seat on Hermann’s bed, still bouncing up and down.

“We could undergo the removal procedure.” He himself doesn’t find it ideal, but Newt’s desperation compels him to voice it.

“What?” Newt says, taken aback.

“It’s very new and it’s not guaranteed to work, but we could give it a chance, if you’d like.” When Newt says nothing, Hermann continues, “We were always taught this was permanent, but it’s not until recently that scientists have found a possible way to reverse the effects, as if they’d never happened.”

“No, I know what it is, but do you want to do it?” The annoyance Newt had felt on his way here is being replaced with a strange sense of betrayal. “Hermann, this is a once in a lifetime thing and that procedure will take it away.”

“Isn’t that what we want? It would be more convenient for everyone.”

Newt is silent and he slowly nods his head. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.” Newt leaves without another glance in Hermann’s direction.

Once outside Newt slumps against his door, lolls his head down and watches the light fade away. “Fuck.”

 

There’s a balcony that stretches along the side of the shatterdome, facing the ocean. Hermann frequents said balcony when he needs to think. Now, he stands, both hands holding the railing his cane leaning against it next to him. He watches the night sky and the waning moon’s reflection in the ripples of the dark water. Fresh from another nightmare, his head throbs along with his eye. Not willing to risk another restless sleep, he came here to breath. The quiet allows thoughts of Newt to enter and he is reminded of the look on his colleague’s face as he left his room. Hermann is certain he upset him in some way.

 The glow most definitely signifies that Newt and he are lifelong companions, nothing more. That level of soul mates has happened and is by no means uncommon. Of course that’s what it would mean; he doesn’t see Newt in any other way. This theory doesn’t explain why Hermann reacts the manner in which he does when he thinks of Newt complimenting him with that squeaky voice of his.

It would help if he had the faintest idea about what Newt wants to do, but the man is as confusing as ever even with Hermann having access to everything Newt’s ever thought of prior to four days ago. Hermann wishes he would just tell him directly what he wanted. As if on command, Newt pushes the door open with his back, his hands occupied by two mugs of hot chocolate excessively topped with melting whipped cream. Newt turns, hair and pajamas disheveled, looks surprised then not at all and smirks, “I knew you were here.”

“You made an educated guess based on what you saw in the drift.” It’s the first time either of them has brought up the drift and they look away awkwardly.

Newt recovers, shrugging and joining him at the railing, “Or maybe I just know you that well.”

“You do now.” Hermann eyes the mugs in Newt’s hands as he takes a long chug from the one that’s already half empty. “Are one of those for me?”

“Oh, we’re all making educated guesses now, are we?” Newt cocks his head to the side that gives an air of condescension and sarcasm.

Hermann utters a tsk and takes the full mug, looking at it askance before taking a sip of it. It tastes quite nice compared to the bitter coffee he’s used to having. He’s not going to admit it –even though he knows Newt is aware—but he appreciates the whipped cream as well. He hasn’t had sweets in a long time, what with the limited resources and Hermann’s inclination to hide his pleasure for sweets. Speaking of, “How did you manage to obtain hot chocolate?” He remembers with memories that aren’t his as soon as the question leaves his mouth.

Newt had been watching Hermann amusedly in silent endearment at his satisfaction with the drink. “Oh, these babies? I’ve been saving them for a rainy day and I got the whipped cream-”

“On your trip to Korea, yes, I know.”

“How’d you- oh, yeah.”

Hermann takes another sip and looks toward the water when Newt starts cracking up hysterically, the sound eventually starting to sound like crying then back to laughing. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Hermann asks, a little panicked.

“Oh, dude, I’m sorry,” Newt says between fits of laughter. “It’s just- man you- you just look so serious and forlorn watching the ocean wistfully and shit when you-” He doesn’t stop laughing until moments later and Hermann waits for him to finish.

“You just,” Newt shakes his head and reaches over, flicking his thumb against the whipped cream on the tip of the other man’s nose, Hermann’s eyes going cross as he follows the movement. Newt wipes the cream on his own worn t-shirt. He looks up, satisfied and at the look of bemusement on Hermann’s face, he says “Oh, shit, I just mommed you, didn’t I? Totally didn’t mean to do that but like you- um, yeah, nope.” He turns to the ocean now, too, trying to pretend that didn’t just happen and swallowing the rest of his lukewarm hot chocolate.

After a lapse in silence Hermann states, “You weren’t certain I would be here.”

“Yeah, and?” Newt agrees, not facing him.

“What would you have done with the hot chocolate?” Hermann doesn’t know his reasoning for asking such a frivolous question, other than to fill the silence, which on a normal day with Newton, he would’ve appreciated but they can both confirm this has not been a typical day.

“There was a 50-50 chance you wouldn’t be here but that just meant more hot chocolate for me but on the other side of that coin you would be here, therefore less hot chocolate for me but more you, so either way win-win with the hot chocolate.” Newt wants to tell him he was hoping to find him because the nightmares wouldn’t let him sleep, but better not he tells himself.

Hermann finishes his drink in silence and when he wordlessly grabs his cane and backs away from the railing, Newt turns to leave with him and they walk together to their respected quarters. Except when they get there they simply in the middle of the hall, empty mugs in hand.

“Perhaps you would-”

“Maybe you should-”

They say after a beat.

Newt walks backwards up the steps to his door, keeping a wary eye on Hermann as if he would disappear if he turned away. Still facing him, Newt awkwardly spins the wheel hatch on his door, opening it. He spreads his arms open and gestures to his room, “Tada.”

Hermann takes the poor invitation and enters his room. He’s been in it before, but somehow it looks even more unruly than before, half packed boxes litter the floor and clothes are strewn everywhere.

Newt jumps right into it, “So about before-“

“I’m sorry.” He sits at the edge of Newt’s bed, fighting the urge to wring his hands together.

“Let me finish- wait, what?”

“I didn’t ask for this, but it wasn’t fair to ask you to consider that option.”

“I’m just surprised I did. Glow, I mean.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I thought it wasn’t going to happen for me, but then you came along and I thought ‘maybe?’ but it never happened so I let it go.”

Hermann doesn’t know if he completely understands what he’s saying when Newt stands in front of him and is leaning down, placing a soft kiss to Hermann’s thin lips. “I’m saying we go for it.”

Hermann feels like a dam has broken in his mind and he’s allowing himself to feel all the things he hadn’t let himself experience before. It’s intensely relieving and he’s grabbing the back of Newt’s neck, pulling him back.

“Easy there, tiger,” Newt says, catching his breath after five minutes of making out. In the progress, he has managed to land himself in Hermann’s lap, careful not to put weight on Hermann’s leg. The amount of light streaming from both of their chests combined is comforting in a way neither of them can explain and Hermann watches the beam pulsate from Newt, his ribs the only thing breaking the uniformity of the light as it shines around them. “We should sleep.”

“Good idea,” Hermann agrees sleepily and gets into the covers with an ease that suggests he had done it a million times.

Newt wraps himself around him whispering a quiet “good night.”

For the first time in days the pair sleeps well, and Hermann dreams of hot chocolate, carols, and a Christmas from long ago revolving a family he doesn't personally know, except for one, wide-eyed freckled face.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't able to add a scene I wanted to because I needed to post today, but I'll probably do it later.


End file.
